glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
