god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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