wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
