Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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