And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
