your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
