Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
