She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
