I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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