Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
