We named our party play list daddy issues
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
