I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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