So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
