So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
