thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
