I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
