I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
love makes seman taste better
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
