my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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