guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
