She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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