Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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