dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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