There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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