He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
