Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
