I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
