May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
