hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
