If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
