I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
