i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
