I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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