matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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