You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
