i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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