Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
