something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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