just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
