it was like having sex with a tree stump
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
