you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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