Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
