I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
