Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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