i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
