How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
