You made me cry and you don't even care
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
