She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
