i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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