If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
