Just took my morning after pill in the library
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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